Patrick cheng managing emotion conflict

Managing strong emotions in marital conflict by Patrick cheng 8/6/19 Conflicts 4 -ve ways to handle Triangulation To make r/ship more stable, to bring someone in when r/ship not stable 1) Cut off Anger/silent treatment but risk of causing a vacuum Usually when Too intense 2) Comply Accommodate Result in hollow r/ship 3) Rebel / attack Sensitive areas of personal life Wild accusations 4) W/drawal (shut down) The angrier the spouse will be Bcuz u want to invoke a response Generalise using word like “never” or “always” 4 -ve ways to handle Speaker-listener technique - allow the spouse to be heard (not want him to solve problem) - manage frus - no need give solution Restatement (follow the person word) 1 Kings 18: Body language 90% Paraphrasing (using your own word) Reflection Observe spouse countenance, identify their feeling sad/mad / scared / glad “You felt unfair / bit sad... ) When spouse need not met? Pursue / attack Withdraw / defend (Secondary emotion) Anger, rage, frus, jealousy, anxiety, resentment, insecure* Surface the primary emotion. Hurt, alone*, unwanted, rejected, unimportant, inadequate, hopeless, unloved*, disconnected, abandoned* overwhelmed Unrespected**, inadequate** Enemy is the negative interaction cycle. Discover 2dary and understand their primary emotion Grace + humility Ecclesiastes 4:12 New International Version (NIV) 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken Is 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. Isaiah 49:15-16 New International Version (NIV) 15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! 16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me